you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize