I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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