i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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