You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I could make wine with my vomit
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
