After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
