My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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