I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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