There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
