How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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