It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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