Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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