So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
