you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
