They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
