Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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