You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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