I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
