Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
This is not my ceiling
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
