i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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