I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
