clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
