She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My life is pants optional.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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