I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
