What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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