What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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