Sry I called you an 8
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
