I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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