shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is the high leading the old right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
