woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
