I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
