im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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