it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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