she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
