Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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