marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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