can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
