oh god the rape fog is back!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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