My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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