Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
third nipple confirmed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
