i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He felt like a one man threesome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
