best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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