Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
