Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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