since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
