We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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