Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
