We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
