Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
