dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
