I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
