It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
