Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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