are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
