He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
