im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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