I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
