I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
