Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
