Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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