wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
