my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
