There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize