8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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