I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
