I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
