i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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