I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
