you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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